Sex was designed by God as an important part of marriage, not only for procreation but also for our enjoyment and pleasure. While marriage does not solely depend on sex in order to be a success, it is difficult to have a successful marriage without it. When we think about the word marriage, a word that should come to mind is “service.” Husbands and wives have a duty to serve one another and the real benefit is that when we serve each other, we are also serving God. Possibly the most fun and easy way that married couples can serve God is through love-making. Wives are called to submit to their husbands. One way you can submit to your husband is by giving yourself to him sexually. Husbands are called to love their wives. What better way to show your wife that you love her than to make love to her? (I’m not discounting the other ways here, but those ways can become self-serving and not God serving.) Did you know your spouse has authority over your body? (1 Corinthians 7:4) Now some of you may be saying, wait a minute Wifey, what do you mean my spouse has authority over my body??? Well you
heard read it right! They do! Now hopefully you don’t have the type of spouse that would abuse this authority. I hope you all have spouses that practice the principles of love and respect, and are compassionate and understanding when you are tired, not feeling well or whatever other reason you feel you might not be particularly “up for sex,” but it needs to be mutually agreed upon. If not, the act is considered a corruption of the normal marriage process. But if you can, you should engage in regular sex with your spouse. Not because I said so, but because the Word of God says so.
Let’s visit 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 and then I’ll offer up some thoughts that married Christians (or even Christians who want to marry) should know about what the Word says about sex and marriage.
2To avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1. Sex was created for marriage.
I read an article that has a comment that I totally agree with, “Marriage is one of the most rewarding, meaningful and misunderstood of all God’s institutions. Marriage is special because it mirrors Christ’s relationship with the church; it’s also a personal and covenantal expression of His enduring love. Many elements of marriage are complex and misinterpreted by society, particularly in the area of sex. Sex is a holy and natural act meant for both pleasure and procreation. God ordained sex to occur only within marriage, and it’s the responsibility of each partner to sexually satisfy the other. Sex is the highest form of intimacy two humans can have, which distinguishes marriage from any other natural relationship.”
If you just look in the back of any Bible and look up the words adultery and/or fornication you will easily find scripture supporting that God does not desire for us to have premarital or extramarital sex (I won’t go into all of that here). He created sex for married people as a way for us to strengthen the bond in our marriage and encourage oneness, to glorify Himself, and to reinforce the ideas of submission and love. When you have sex with your spouse you should feel closer to him/her, more like one instead of two. You should feel a deepening of the love shared between the two of you. This is exactly what God wants from husbands and wives, to be in a state of oneness. Isn’t it incredible that God is glorified when we are intimate with our spouse? Have you ever heard the saying, “God gave Adam a wife, not a sister.” Chew on that a while.
You can take a break from having sex but it needs to be mutually agreed and only for a short while, so be careful upon doing so. Have you ever felt this way? I’m tired, we’re tired. I’m working so often, taking care of the kids and handling so many other activities that I just don’t feel like it. What if God decided that He was too tired for you? What if He decided He had too many other things to do than to make sure you had that job that makes you so tired everyday? Even when we are tired we as Christians are still to be committed to being servants of Christ. He never promised that every day would be wonderful and he never promised that we would not become tired on our journey with Him. In fact what He did say was: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23. He also said that if we hope in Him, He would renew our strength. Isaiah 40:31. And possibly the most important promise (and what remains the dominating theme in Christianity) if we are obedient to his word, great is our reward in Heaven (Matthew 5:12). Therefore we have to prioritize intimacy with our spouse. The word says your body is not your own but belongs to your spouse. So even if you don’t feel like it, remember this the next time you want to say no to sex: You are missing an opportunity to serve God by serving your spouse. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to imply by any means that sex should become like a job or a chore. What I am saying is that sex is an integral part of your marriage that you should use to help yourself be more obedient and service oriented to God.
2. Sexual denial can be spiritually dangerous.
The Bible doesn’t tell us how often a married couple should have sex, but it does tell us that a couple is to abstain only when it is a mutual decision. 1 Corinthians 7:5 tells us, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Mutual consent should be your rule for how often a married couple should have sex. The Rule: Abstaining from sex must be agreed upon, and that even when it is agreed upon, it should only be for a short time. Although we have authority over our spouses bodies, sex should not be withheld or demanded. Spouses must compromise on the frequency of sex.
While The Hubs and I were receiving Christian premarital counseling our minister told us one very important thing that I want to share with you today. He explain to us that the only time it mentions in the Bible that Satan has an opportunity to interfere in our marriages, by introducing temptations, is when we stop being sexually intimate with our spouse. Satan can very subtle to incredibly obvious in his attempt to destroy our Christian home. Often times that destruction starts in the bedroom. If we neglect our spouse sexually, the door will be opened for hurt feelings and needs left unattended which will lead to temptation. This giving in to temptation could lead to the destruction of your Christian marriage.
God knew that we would struggle with temptation, even within marriage, which is one of the reasons that he created marriage; to help us keep those struggles in check. The Word of Truth Ministries offers the following: “The sex drive is one of the most powerful natural drives that human beings possess. Once it has been expressed on a normal basis in marriage, it cannot simply be dismissed because two parties are not passionate toward each other any longer. If they have lost their passion for each other, that passion is still unleashed and it will spring up elsewhere. God gave the marriage institution to satisfy and control those passions.”
God knew that even within marriage, without sex, some of us would exhibit a lack of control. Temptations set in and we begin to look away from our spouse and towards worldly things that tend to get us in trouble with God. Many people have committed adultery because of a lack of sex in their marriage. We know there are often more complex reasons (that usually boil down to a lack of respect/love) that people cheat as well, however; a lack of self-control in a marriage with regular sex is probably (and I’m assuming here) less likely.
I’ll end here and hope that these topics will inspire you to do several things:
- increase the amount of time you spend reading/meditating/praying on the Word of God
- talk with your spouse, fiance, or dating partner about what you’ve read today so that you can both be on one accord within and especially prior to marriage
- strive to make your marital bed pleasing to God
- log off of your computer and go give your spouse some “extra special” attention.
Disclaimer: When you are a new blogger the use of very scandalous and often times misleading titles attract readers to your posts. As a woman who seeks to deepen her relationship with God I felt that I should be honest about two very important things: (1) it is not my place, nor my job (thanks goodness) to make judgments about how any one person chooses to live their lives, but I feel it is my job to at least try to influence Christians to make Christ-like decisions, (2) that being said, when I write about topics regarding having sex or spicing up your bedroom these posts are directed at married people, however; may be informative to people considering marriage simply because some useful scripture could be involved. I still believe that God does want us to have sex, with our spouse, and I hope that I have sufficiently supported my claim above.