On Sunday, March 27, 2011 my husband and I will be celebrating our first year of marriage. Its 4 days away but I feel safe to say that “WE MADE IT BABE!!!!!”. We have heard from just about every married couple that we know that the first year of marriage is the hardest. While we appreciate your advice and love you guys we took everything you said with a grain of salt. We love you guys but honestly, this first year has been the best! We have been so blessed. I have full faith that the reason behind this is that we strive to put God first in our marriage and all else falls into place. There were some ups and some downs but we survived and we are looking forward to many more years together. So here is a list of the top 5 things I have learned about myself, my husband and married life over this last year:
1. You have to learn to compromise on the thermostat. My husband is ALWAYS hot. I don’t know why. Me being a scientist I always tease him that there is something wrong with his hypothalamus (the part of the brain that regulates body temperature). This used to drive me crazy because I would literally be freezing my butt off while he was trying not to die of heat stroke. Its okay though because we have someway, somehow fallen into this unspoken compromise about how we will use the A/C. I can’t tell you what exactly that compromise is but we both just try to accommodate each other as much as possible.
2. I’ve learned to pick my battles. For instance, my husband is never going to pick up and put away his shoes (are you Babe?). This used to aggravate me to no end. On any given day there are at least 4 pairs of my husbands shoes lying around the house in various locations (mostly where he removes them) like under the coffee table, by the front door and beside our bed. Then it dawned on me, there are tons of things I do that get on my husbands nerves such as, let my clothes (jackets, pjs, and other rewearables) pile up in the chair in our bedroom until I feel like hanging or them up…which usually happens on Saturday mornings only. I find it interesting that I’m irritated by seeing his shoes all over the place but my clothes sit a pile in the same place for nearly a week and I’m completely okay with this. Sorry Babe! I’ll try to do better.
3. I am completely dependent on my husband’s presence to fall asleep at night. Okay, I know this sounds ridiculous but its true. Twice during our first year of marriage my husband had to go out of town. I promise you I could not sleep while he was away. I wasn’t worried about him or anything I just could not fall asleep in our bed. I tried sleeping on the couch and that didn’t work either. I’ve grown very attached to having him in our bed now and I can’t sleep unless he’s there. Needless to say I was one exhausted woman when he returned from his travels. Often when I’m sleepy and I decide to turn in before him, I still can’t readily fall asleep until he decides to join me in bed. I totally don’t understand this about myself at all! I mean what the heck? I’ve always been able to fall asleep just fine until I got married. I love sleep but the husband does help me to have it more abundantly.
4. Forgive each other and move on. I can count on one hand the number of fights we’ve had in this year. We are at a grand total of 2 and I can’t even really call those fights but more like disagreements that caused used to take some time to reevaluate how we handle our anger. Look, you plan on being with your spouse for the rest of your life right? You may as well learn to effectively communicate when there is a disagreement, forgive each other for any hurt feelings and move on. Spending your life holding onto the things that your spouse did or said is counterproductive for strengthening your marriage. My hope is that you have married someone who shares this viewpoint and is only concerned with building your marriage up and not tearing it down. I’ve learned you have to make a conscious decision to fight fair and to keep the love you share in perspective at all times. Its nearly impossible to fight with someone who really just wants to work to fix the issue and move on. I am thankful my husband and I see eye to eye on this. The best way to change your spouse’s attitude is to change your own.
5. I think about sex way more than I ever have in my entire life. Seriously, I do. Why? Because I can. Without going into any detail, I’ll just tell you again like I’ve told you before, sex in marriage is very, Very, VERY important. It is one of the ways as a couple that we can serve God and we should always be looking for ways we can serve Him. I encourage married couples to serve Him whenever possible.